I’m a dreamer. I envision my life being a certain way and I immediately start buying goods to make it happen.
I’ve struggled a lot with my identity in the last three years, trying to fit myself into neat little categories based on my career, personality and hobbies. I believe it was this struggle with my identity which kept me locked in a severe depression for many months. I emerged from that a year and a half ago with greater acceptance of my self, but not necessarily a clearer view of who I am.
As my journey continues, this picture of myself is becoming clearer. I once felt I had to choose between being a hippie or being a professional-lookimg career woman in the city. I liked aspects of both lifestyles but felt they were mutually exclusive. I’m finding ways to marry these two seemingly conflicting images, but it seems in the process I have bought and accumulated so many belongings which I thought would turn me into the person I wanted to be and make me happy.
Like most people, I only use a small portion of what I own. Despite several large clean-outs and attempts to cut down on belongings in the past few years, I can’t seem to actually reduce how much I own by very much. Worse still, after creating space I go out and buy new things to refill it – things I think are part of the new me at the time.
While I’m reading Cait Flanders’ book “The year of less”, I can identify with many of her findings. Cait challenged herself to a shopping ban for a year during which she got rid of 70% of her belongings and allowed herself to only buy groceries, toiletries and gas for her car. She documented her progress, the unexpected challenges and the way it changed her perspective on consumerism. She confronted the reasons she’d always bought so many things and why she’d held on to them for so long even when they weren’t being used. Significantly, a lot of her inventory had been purchased for the person she wanted to be, not the person she was, and I can definitely relate.
I am setting myself the goal of reducing my total belongings by at least 50%. This might seem huge, but I honestly feel at least half of my belongings are things I not only don’t need, but won’t ever get around to using.
The difficult part of this process I think will be letting go of the dreams and opportunities I created for myself by buying these things in the first place. I am already on a personal journey that’s clarifying my values and I’ve begun to accept already that some of these “people” I wish I were are exactly that; wishes. I am letting go of some of the aspirations I know in my heart are not me in the hope it’ll create more room to achieve the important dreams.
The point of this task is not to organise the things I have and store them better. I’m not terrible at that already. The goal is to reduce. I’m tired of moving the same boxes of unopened belongings from house to house as I move. I feel guilty for having all these things and not using them. When I look at my surplus of things, I also feel guilty for not achieving the goals I once set myself, and for not becoming the person I once envisioned myself to be.
With decluttering and minimising my belongings, I can let go of these dreams. I won’t have to carry the guilt with me anymore. I will be free to move forward onto new goals and aspirations, or carry further the ones which really matter to me. I can evaluate myself clearly and really understand who I am. I crave that clarity.
Over two months, I am going to take you through my journey of decluttering and moving toward a minimalist style of living. I’ll post inventories, the feelings I experience as I go through this journey and any difficulties I have as I go. I’m giving myself two months initially because that is the time I will be moving my belongings back to my parent’s house briefly before taking a trip to Europe.
My belongings are already spread between two houses; the one I rent with my friend and my old bedroom at mum and dad’s. I will be moving into a place of my own after coming back from Europe and I want to start with a clean slate, with the goal to never return to this cluttered style of living in the future!
Nourish My Life 